2022a Midyear Review: Boundary

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1. Study

1.1 Notes on several subjects

A year has already passed since I arrived at university. The growth of that year has shed parts of my former self, changed the way I studied in high school, and made me a university student in earnest.

The problems remain obvious. During the winter break in January and February, I previewed University Physics, Calculus II, and Probability and Mathematical Statistics. I thought this head start would substantially reduce the pressure of the coming semester, but things did not work out that way.

For physics, I had only skimmed the entire textbook. My background in high-school physics competitions made the material seem manageable, but during the semester I discovered that I had not understood many of its formulas. Meanwhile, assignments and exams did not require the underlying formulas, only simple derived results. That greatly reduced the difficulty, yet it also left me feeling disconnected from the subject. I did not demonstrate the ability I expected of myself. The problem became especially clear after classical mechanics and rotational inertia, when the course moved into special relativity and electromagnetic fields. I did not properly read and understand those chapters until the day before the exam.

Previewing calculus did help, but not by much. If my attention wandered in class, I could still lose the thread. The reason was that my advance study had not produced a deep understanding or a good record of the material, and I had solved too few problems.

I spent little time on English, while my tendency to avoid it grew stronger. It remained a serious weakness.

1.2 Time and state of mind

Until around midterm, I mostly kept to my study plan. The pressure I felt during the first month pushed me to wake early and sleep relatively early: up after 7:10, at the library by 7:30, then class at 9:20. I spent nearly every free period in the library. Unfortunately, the hours did not translate into particularly good efficiency.

Several mathematical modeling competitions disrupted that schedule again, upsetting my body clock and my resolve. A short period went to waste before the pressure of final exams sent me running back to the library. That was the semester's general rhythm.

Psychologically, the pressure gradually weakened. At the beginning of the semester, I placed an enormous weight on myself. It felt like a wall, strange and dazzling, a barrier formed from the whole human world, pressing toward me through a dark universe. The pressures of work, study, and competition teams faded over time. They had grown so intense that I eventually regulated them myself.

2. Competitions

The first half of each calendar year, which is also the second half of the academic year, seems to be when most of my competitions take place. ACM/ICPC-style programming contests and a stormy month of mathematical modeling brought me a respectable number of awards, some of meaningful quality. They strengthened my resume, but also made me a target of backhanded comments and exaggerated praise in group chats.

3. Fellow travelers

Leadership transitions greatly reduced the excessive number of groups I belonged to. Only three remained: the university ACM team and association, the mathematical modeling academic department, and Weiyue Studio.

What hurt most was failing to win election or remain in the mathematical modeling association. I have written about the details elsewhere and will not repeat them. Still, the group's trip to Happy Valley, two later evenings telling stories around barbecue stalls, and the recent campaign to help our president find a partner brought me close to everyone. That was good, too...

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Continue with the 2022 year in review and 2022a Midyear Review: Misty Flowers.

This entry was first published at the Fengqing Inn archive. It is preserved here as part of the personal record.